...untitled...

I shut my eyes
feel the roar thru the silence.
still is the world around
yet all aspects of my body pulsate
    on red alert.
Ready to jump the gun
    Ready to go at the sound
        Ready to go for ....

Uncertainity safeties the hun,
yet sprint modes continues
almost leaping into nothing.

Lurching without notice
    startles me
but I continue to return
to my ready state,
ready until the destination appears,
If only...

yes mom, i finally found my match.
everything i dreamed
and things i never did
all wrapped up in this thing
called a man.

untitled

the dirt flows off
with the new rain
floating to my feet.

my toes squish
the mud between themselves
a new feeling for each and every one.

only one giant leap to
make
the dirt was old
the mud new, what is
to come wit the grass on
the other side?

untitled

the brush strokes go out to the right
the thoughts of the edge go in, downwards
    to fall to my contour
unconsciously for both
no thinking is needed

the brush works to show the others
    some feeling
while the edge shows me how I truly feel

behind me,
    no matter the scene,
          someone gazes.
I feel the gaze with every hair on my body.
    I have the same number of hairs as you
          but mine are somhow more atune to such gazes
    they were trained, not by myself,
          and not voluntary.
the hair act on their own accord
     and I am just a slave to their thoughts.
           I react to their reactions,
           causing a flood without my consent.

the gaze make me conscious
     of the scene and what I am doing
but has no physical effect on the actions;
    the brush may pause,
           the edge may quiver,
the act is finished

the act never seems to finish me;
     internatlly, externally,
           the person prevails. I prevail. 

missing things i never knew i missed...

...the perfect man...

i found him! the perfect man just for me!

yes mom, i finally found my match.
everything i dreamed
and things i never did
all wrapped up in this thing
called a man.
chivalry did not die with him,
carries my bags, and opens doors.
tall and handsome
intelligence that made my mind ponder.
   the perfect man.
   too bad i will never see him again.

friends, mates, sibs,
everything is fine
i have found my man.
he leaves me breathless
with a look
and yet i have never felt so safe
around another.
this is something
u never thot would happen.
no more late cries from me
about the lack of catches,
one was all i needed to find
   the perfect man.
   too bad i will never see him again.

people i have never met,
and may never will.
i give u hope and light
for souls in this wrold
that are not you, but fit
into u like the puzzle piece
completing u as u wonder
y u never realized the solution.
they are not u,
but utterly perfect for u.
i have found that,
   the perfect man.
   too bad i will never see him again.

to the man i part with
my heart breaks as i let go.
i knew u before, from my dreams,
u knew everthing about me
asked me questions
that found ideas and morals
i never thot i possesed,
made me content with myself.
the world was perfect in ur arms
   you are the perfect man for me.
   too bad i will never see him again.
   too bad i never told u.

...another wasted...

I.
Anther wasted love, or longing
my Secruity is unstable, unable

if u told my heart
that the sky was blue
and the grass green
it would never believe u

Another wasted love, or longing
a Guard between my words and thots

i thot endlessly
of this devotion
but the ideas were not created
to pass thru my pipes

Another wasted love, or longing
the Chains withhold my limbs, conduct

brushing was the extent
that they were restrained to
no action would happen
to create idle chatter

Another wasted love, or longing
as all of me prevent me to convey it.

II.
too many walls,
                guards,
                  chains
no mode to relinquish them
without submerging into doubt
and complete vulnerability

my Fears now bare all
i knew it all along
who the masters were.
et tu?

hello.. sorri i havent posted in a while. in germany at the moment and trying to get some thots put together. two things happened to me in the past week. i met thee perfect guy over the weekend but it was a short little time together. wrote a little poem about it. and then just today, i found out that the crush i had back home is now dating someone. i knew that it would happen before i left, even tho that was 2 months ago, but i knew 3 months ago when she still had a bf. oh well. so a poem about that too. hope u enjoy my sorrow! lol